Friday, 28 February 2014

Bean counters

Read an article that posited we are responsible for the obscene salaries bankers and footballers command because we gladly pay £3.00 for overpriced coffee. Made me laugh cos, while I'm neither here nor there on its premise, it was spot on about the coffee. Could have been ipads, pret a manger sandwiches or an expensive ticket to a mundane boring top flight football game (Stoke City vs. Sunderland? £40? Anyone up for a lads afternoon?).

We accord unnecessary value to things. Demand and supply you say?  OK fair enough, I hear you, no one is forced to buy it. But, but, why pay so much for something you can make for as little as 3 pence? One/Two spoons of sugar and a spoon of coffee? Or one of those fanciful coffee machines if you are so inclined. We buy into a celebrity modern culture that says it's cool and efficient to grab a cup from your nearest Starbucks or Costa shop. Next time I see Victoria Beckham on a magazine cover with a Starbucks Cup in her hand.. Ain't that like product placement?  I am not saying you can't treat yourself to a mocha choca skinny bitch latte, but £3 to 6 every day? So we inflate share value beyond what it really should be. No wonder these f@ckers put up the price and pump useless lifestyle ads through the newspapers and TV. 

I wonder what the poor farmer in Ghana gets for his beans? I'd like to think the brethren and his co-op peoples have become as savvy as the vampires. He could always hire Wayne Rooney's agent to get him a better deal. £300K/week, two days work, non-performance related? yup, I'll take that.

Thursday, 27 February 2014


Man life sucks. A friend's sister passed over the weekend, someone who looked healthy as anything, but was battling a lung condition. Young lady, full of life, too young to leave the planet. It feels like it was only the other day we were sharing a joke, her curious about my Nigerian outfit, trying to guess what part of the country I am from. Fun girl and I used to tease my friend about making her my second wife.


Thursday tings

Surrender, sweet surrender, dah, dah, dah, surrender.. on the bus to work and that song from the Resonators plays in my head. Thursday morning, rainy, but I'm true and living. Been trying a thing of doing situps and pressups to start the day and must admit, hard work and requires discipline. No pain no gain. The pain in my midrift means something is working.
Been like 30 odd days I last had a cigarette and the craving is almost gone. I think I generally smoked out of habit (addiction a given), but faced with the greater benefit of health, I don't miss it. I did have a strange patch in the beginning where I was always horny but that's thankfully disappeared ("Chrome, is that a gun in your pocket or are you really that glad to see me?"). No, there's no danger of becoming a sex addict.  There are times when I feel mighty stressed and need a release (sounds wrong after my previous sentence lol), but other things, like a quick walk or calling a friend, take my mind off nicotine. One thing I have avoided so far has been Ganja, seeing as I am one of those people who bulk it out with tobacco. Will be interesting when I attempt to smoke it raw and uncut, the shits usually being too raw for my lungs. Tested my mettle last night by having a couple glasses of brandy and a bottle of Guinness, alcohol being one thing that always makes me want to smoke. Passed with flying colours, ended up quite tipsy lol. Oh well, thankfully, never been much of a drinker, that would have been a tough addiction to crack.
Have a great day. Be healthy

Tuesday, 25 February 2014


I don't get people sometimes. How can you abandon your child? Your own flesh and blood? Are you really that soulless and vacuous a mother fucker? OK, so it was a casual relationship and a child was never in the equation, the woman tricked you (bitch please! heard of Trojan condoms?), but still? I seriously don't get some people, especially the ones who came from a loving background, both parents and all.  A child is a gift from nature, a refresh of the gene pool, an embodiment of a soul, the magic of conception. More importantly, the child is you, your responsibility to love and cherish regardless of circumstances. Some people don't deserve children, unfortunately they are the ones that always have them. Women, for God's sake choose the right man! A child is for life! (those simply looking for sperm donors cum idiot savants need not apply, Gracias)

One of my boys has struggled with never knowing his father. We spoke frankly about it, and he was like if he could but lay eyes on the man it would represent a closure, the missing piece in his life map. I've got three sons and I see clearly how they can't do without my guidance, love and affection.  See people underestimate the effects of such a loss, thinking the child would grow to be OK, having never known them. Bollocks to that. We men and women can be incredibly stupid with life decisions. I have the same situation in my family with a nephew I have never seen.

But you know what?  The sweetest schadenfreude is the look on the hapless father's face when the child grows up to pure greatness, academics, sports, you name it. I derive the complete pleasure of saying "See, the boy made it, I told you he will, inspite of your 100% absence from his life. Now you will miss out from all the pride and glory of his achievements!  Bitch ass nuggah!"

But better late, so something of a relationship can be salvaged. Knowing these lot, they won't even get that bit right. We pray

Monday, 24 February 2014

One Pack

So finally I've started back at gym in 2014.  Aches and pain, but feel great for it.  Now the challenge of getting that waistline down.. tired of my one pack

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

The complete idiot's guide to everything

One of those days. New contractor dude joins my team, I'm tasked with introducing him to our software systems. Prior to arrival, director guy tells me this contractor's a very expensive resource, must hit the ground running. Bollox. We start going over shit and I feel him glaze over. Took me a year to design and write this state-of-the-art software (what? what's my name?), so quite how this super hot dude is supposed to "get it" in one afternoon.. well he's paid stupid bread to get it. As I started outlining his tasks I started feeling sorry for him. I've worked as a contractor before and I know how the agencies stay.

These agent motherf@ckers will sell sand to Arabs. For that commission money they will tell potential employers you are Bill Gates in disguise. I've turned up at places and barely had time to take off my coat before people start chucking very complex design diagrams at me.  shit I've never heard of. "But they said you invented Microsoft? We paying £2K a day for your services?". Bitch please! Gonna kidnap that fool, said it was £500/day.  Can be worse. I've turned up and been asked to sort out a Network. A what? I write software not lay cables. The lady director was nice, would gladly lay pipes.

Let's talk about it

Uneventful morning. The polite good morning to neighbours, the rush to the train station, nothing special. The daily grind can be one boring event. I would give it all up in a flash.

Had an awkward visit from an old family friend yesterday. How do you respond to "my husband has become very rubbish in bed"? Too much Intel but it's bothered her enough to bring it up (two glasses of red wine loosens the tongue, her b'day, emotional). It seemed the excitement had sorta drained from the bedroom, dude always travelling, 24/7 grinding for the family, she putting on weight, demands of modern life, the kids. I smiled because these things hit all of us at some point, no relationship is smooth and perfect. But how does a woman go about telling her man this? I was like, if you love him then just tell him init? But these things can be very delicate.  Ego to massage, fear of opening the can of worms, issues that have never been tackled.  However it is something you can't let fester, no good becoming a prisoner, trapped in your own relationship.  Will words change anything? Maybe actions will, I don't know, perhaps rediscover simple things like dinner and dance together, a bit of kinky in the bedroom? ("darling I love you so much, bought you this French maid's outfit "), talk about sex (yes some couples don't, ever), general getting closer.

I don't have the magic recipes. Trial and error, how these complex situations get resolved. Happy birthday sweetheart, but no, I ain't having no quiet word with your husband, are you mad? :~))

Friday, 14 February 2014

Hip Hop in Love

Really really nice mix ... enjoy!


Happy V-Day Lovers!

I'm not so much into the whole Valentine's day thing, but hey, why not? Exactly.

Have a great day peoples! (Now go make some babies)

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Take #2

My Moments come and moments go. You write something harsh but deep felt, but then you remember we are human after all. You delete it and try again. Take #2

So I think to myself "dude, can you be a better person than you've been of late?". Persona non grata, excluded from many intellectual circles, the guest in his own party. Sucks. But it starts from within, that moment of clarity, all that is wrong laid to bare. It's like turning up at a nudist convention in a three piece suit. It just hits you. I am not entirely sure I know who I am anymore. Everything to everyone and nothing at all. I've been wearing masks for far too long. But in articulating it I actually feel a release, I can see some light.
It's funny how some esoteric desire can cause one to make very wrong decisions. That curiosity to know, is she as he said she is? Do they love each really? So you compromise everything to be everywhere and nowhere, in the exact space and time. OK, so now you know, what was the exact benefit of your quest? Perhaps it wasn't even a quest after all. If the quest is the answer then it was a stupid question.
I ramble but it's all in there, (re-)read it sometime.


Watched "First Dates" on Channel 4, probably part of their Valentine's day season. About a restaurant that caters for first dates and singles. It's just how raw the emotions were, their hopes, aspirations, fears, desires. I watched and fell in love again with the human complexities. Chuckled at the Asian guy pretending to love his date's chihuahua, the bare carnal desires played out by the cougar and her ex soldier date (you could tell they just wanted to fcuk), the.. The dates accurately representative of who we are.

I want to dine there


Surrender.  My song of the week by an ensemble called the Resonators


Monday, 10 February 2014

King Kong Disko

I feel like a stegosaurus stomping in the trunk. 

My dome full up of a million things to do, zero equity in time but no issue about the money (usually its the other way round). Two short courses to do, website to build, warranty to claim, hoes to slay.. N!g@z be running out of time B! On the real there is a ton of shit to do and I can't wait to get stuck in. How about a nice little challenge of raising £9K every year for the next X number of years? Though I reckon I'm good at planning and pacing myself I actually thrive better under pressure. Give me a challenge and I'm revving.  Used to enjoy exams for this one reason, that race against the clock.

I got a letter from the government the other day, I opened it and read it, it said they were suckers. Ha! Name that song! OK, Public Enemy - Black Steel In the Hour Of Chaos.  No I did get a letter from the government and it was a tax refund. Yes a fucking tax refund for £200. Read a bit more and it related to my tax payments for the financial year ended 5th April 2013. So I'm calculating.. if these mother fucks paid this cos I ticked "request tax rebate" on the tax self assessment form.. how much have they owed my black butt over the years??? Tax is a tricky one though. The Tax man cometh! So you've done that website for a company. Do you declare the income to the tax man? OK so you don't, but how do you make sure Mr Company doesn't put "this cost is for our website by Mr Chrome" on their company tax returns? See the tax man often selects companies at random for tax audits - I had one when I owned my own company, nothing nice. So how do you spin it? That is the trickiest part of the price negotiations when contracted to build a website for a company.  

"Hey guys, see here, I will knock off £100 of the price of your website if you account this service as gift to charity.  I don't pay tax on it, you get a cheaper price, everyone wins. Right?".  

Watch their silly faces light up.  Accounting creativity is the name of the game. Still there is no escaping the Tax man. He cometh!

Played this in the car on a school run the other day and now my 7 year old son's been reciting "Whitey on the moon" all around the house.  His Mum looks at me shaking her head.  Hey, its just a poem.  Damn I miss Gil Scott Heron, done fucked up himself shooting that skag.  RIP brother, You ain't in the grips of the man no more

Sunday, 9 February 2014

Tales of two days

Gets wonky sometimes.  Struggled with an impending cold, reckoned I beat it, then today, blamo! I'm laid out on my back the whole day, shivering, cold and flu tabs, trying to ride it out.  But the forced rest does one good. For the first time in a while I lay down and did nothing much, TV, helped my boys with homework, got thoughtful about the year to date, looked at the odd paper work. I realised I'd been rolling nonstop for a whole year. Probably had a cold once, twice over the months and worked through it. Writing exotic financial software in the daytime, building websites for extra dough in the nights, in between housework and kids.  I couldn't afford to be sick. over grinding. That sucks when you find yourself 24/7 in motion and you can't take a break. Something gives in the end. Last year was a good year with some very fucked up moments and I refuse to repeat it. Well.. I thought so and here I am, flagged out from overdoing it. I need a holiday.

At least I was forced to reflect on recent things (feverish delirium?).  Do you ever get that weird, lost feeling when you don't know if you are going backwards or forwards, up, down, sideways? So you think somethings in your life have changed, not necessarily from some poor or eff'd up position, just events beyond your control bringing about the change.  Work issues, life situations, quarrels, bad decisions, broken promises.  You start to adjust to a different reality then.. variables again.. You're then not so sure.  I've been watching some foreign Movie (Spanish?), Time Crimes, and in it this guy is caught up in a time travel vortex he shouldn't be in.  He keeps travelling back and forth 30/40 seconds into the past/future, trying to avert some stuff he's done or will do.  Every time he makes things worse. There's no parallel with my current situation or thinking, just the passing thought that things are meant to be, come to pass so to speak. One can only but deal with what is ever-present, what is in front of them. You manage that then you can have a stab at predicting tomorrow. What you can't do is undo what has happened. Yeah, I wouldn't want a time machine even I could afford one.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Sell me this pen

"yeah? OK, write your name on this napkin, no pen? Buy this"

The Wolf Of Wall Street, crazy ass movie, nihilistic greed. Hard to believe it's based on a true story. Leonardo Dicaprio's star turns are always a joy to watch and by the end you are still undecided if you love or loathe the greedy lovable prick. The scene were he's snorting 100% uncut colombian out of a hooker's raised ass? You couldn't make it up. Yet the very same man would honest to heart advance $25K to a new employee. Makes you think about the nature of money and man's insatiable greed for it. I don't think you can be filthy rich without fiddling the System and offloading onto the next mug. Honest Middle class graft? Over taxed Strugglers.

They say a mug is born everyday. The complete fools that we are, sold someone else's desires, lining their pockets in the never ending quest to top the pyramid of ponzi pipe dreams.  Exploitation. Barely legal, like a porn site pushing teen sex. Actually sleazier.  So it's old slavery money, oil money, stock and bonds money, nothing that is necessarily generated off the backs of hard work and graft.  Even the great technology stocks are all pumped up financial instruments, designed to sell value instead of substance. The only winners are the traders, cashing in on huge commissions on electronic money trades.

"buy stocks in Ghana coffee! Don't miss out on the new mobile app stocks! Protect your future! Buy! Buy! Buy!" hmm, at what price?

I read the papers last week in amusement at the JP Morgan trader who jumped to his death, a few weeks after they'd been paid stupid figures in bonuses. Did I feel sorry for him? Nope, anyone who jumps because of money is probably some coked up to the hilt hotshot, too out of it to realise the trillion dollar figures don't actually exist. There is no love in the financial city of London. A pit of wolves. Stay out if you can't handle..

Me? My philosophy is set in stone. Why gain the whole world but lose my soul? Still $72K/month is fucking tempting .. nah .. I'll stay poorly paid software developer :)

"oh boy ...!"