Monday, 29 February 2016

Nigerian Ghost Workers

Ghost was a popular slang from the hip hop 90s, like "yo! I'm ghost son, see you later, peace". from the movie of the same name I'm told (never seen it, before my time). I did hear "I'm swayze". these hip hop heads, smh, manglers of our beautiful Queen's English

The only ghost I can think of right now is the holy ghost and the 24,000 Nigerian civil service ghost workers earning a cool $11 million dollars every month. Boggles the mind something crazy. How the fuck does one pay 24,000 nonexistent people? How? How?

BBC News, 28th Febuary:

Told my wife something similar some weeks ago, she thought I was making ish up. "Man! you niggaz are some corrupted motherfuckers. Don't you like have account audits and shit?". Nigeria init.
I have an audit story to tell. My boy Ed's Uncle, accountancy guy, got offered a job in Naijas, about 7/8 years ago this was. Civil service gig.  The gentleman had been in the UK for donkeys, jumped at the chance to move back home. The UK tire you out like that you know. So he takes up the job, eager beaver and all, state auditor, wikid position. Did such a great job he uncovers a black hole of $5 million and pens an audit report. Triplicate and shit, neatly typed and bound. He hands it to the permanent secretary of the ministry. Pleased to serve his country. Week in a message comes through, he is to review the report, it must be wrong. Old boy wasn't having his work questioned like that so he writes an explanation etc. Short story, one morning he gets a knock on his door. Hooded figures give him 24 hours to leave Nigeria or lose his life.

I and Ed listened to his story in complete astonishment, craziest shit we'd ever heard.
Good luck president Buhari, no pun. You'll need it

Leap days

Hello blog, been a while. I had millions of things to write about over the last few weeks but not the health to do so. Not been a good winter this one. I've been shifting from sniffly to colds back and forth, latest being a sore throat that's gotten on my nerves. Don't you hate it when you finally go to the GP and they tell you its viral, "sorry sir, I'm afraid it's lots of water and nurofen for the next few days or weeks, come back if you're dying". Thanks health service, see you next none treatment. Like I can even get the fuckers on the phone to book a bloody appointment! So much for wired up services. Did register online though. "you don't have to ring us you know, you can book online". Yeah, I get all that, but what's the point of your doctors surgery phone number?

Rant over. Where's my manners? How you lot doing? Hope no downers and winter faces. Any raves, parties, concerts? Hope you lot take regular breaks from the rat race and do other stuff. I've noticed lately I get replies of "oh I'm fine, been very busy". Funny answer, what wazungu country has reduced brethren to. I want to know how you been not your work ethics. You know, how the kids, what fun you been up to, famz, other stuff. It's like people feel being busy is some kinda life validation.  I've been guilty of it too, not calling people back and shit, I won't be hypocritical. I sat in the car yesterday evening and called the world, everyone I hadn't spoken to in a while. Felt good, catching up, knowing brethren still alive and kicking, living 

Right, London Charing cross coming up, about to get off the train. Ain't been on one for 5 months, feel like a tourist. Can't wait for my throat to get better and get back on the bicycle